Not Allowed To Hate Me

You are not allowed to hate me
So why are you trying to break me
What are you trying to make me
Into

If you were a security company

          I’d fire you
If you were a product
          I’d stop using you
If you were a person
          I’d quietly but definitely
          Write you off
          For good

I wouldn’t let you

Promise things
Then not deliver
Claim to be something
You weren’t
Be a sayer but not a doer

You are not allowed to hate me

But right now God
You are not very good
At loving me

I have such trouble

Making sense of
You

You love me

You promise me
But you don’t protect me

Am I supposed to be ok

Knowing
That you can help me
But won’t

Am I supposed to accept

And move past
Or do I
Get to understand

Why are the goals we have for me

So different
Constantly stealing my joy
Smashing down the things
I am working so hard
To rebuild

Technically You don’t do these things

You just allow them
Which I think
Is just as bad

You don’t restore what has been taken

Holidays, birthdays,
Vacations, anniversaries
Sleep, peace of mind

You use my life

To feed the locusts
Why

I would respect You more God

If You just said
I love you
I am going to allow you to be hurt bad
When you are hurt, I won’t help you
But I’ll see you on the other side
Or I won’t see you on the other side
Whatever the truth is
I could respect that
But I can’t respect
This

You are not allowed to hate me

But I can’t figure out
What this is

I am honest with You God

So I guess now
I am just looking
For some honesty
From You