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Sunday, October 15, 2017

Compassion

Where is our
Collective compassion

For animals

For each other

For journeys
We are spared
But see others
Being asked
To walk
 
Where is the knowing
That we are one

That your pain
Is my pain

That you
Are just me
With different shoes

We have forgotten
What we share

Lost our ability
To see ourselves
In each other
 
And with every
Word of hatred
Hurled outward
To wound another
 
We wound ourselves
Just as deeply
 
And suffer
All the more

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Exactly

What if I
Am already exactly
Who I am meant to be
In this world

Exactly

Someone who feels deeply
 
And takes words
At face value

Full of doubt
On some days
And confidence
On the others
 
What if all this
Is exactly
As it should be

And precisely

What is needed  

Monday, August 28, 2017

I Am 46

I am 46
But will be 51
When the new windows
Just installed
To replace the ones
Literally crumbling
Off of our house
Are paid off

I am 46
With still one year left to pay
On the smartly paved driveway
Which replaced the one
With the dirt sunken holes
That made it undriveable

I am 46
And the stone stairs
That lead into my home
Have just this week
Disintegrated
Which is immediately hazardous
And imminently costly

I am 46
And have once again
Set aside my dream
Of standing in the shadows
Of the Sequoias
Even on our 20th anniversary
 
Not because we don’t deserve this
Everybody deserves this

But because
I still can’t
Afford it

And all of this
Is so incredibly
Disappointing

Until I remember
 
I am 46
With a car parked comfortably
In my paved driveway
And stone stairs
That lead into a home
With warm new windows
 
A home that is safe
A home that is a refuge
A home that is nice to be inside of
A home that is enough

And I think
How lucky I am
At 46
To have
All this

Either Or

I wonder if I
Will ever learn
How to stop
Living either or

Start
Living and

I am competent and I make mistakes
I am brave and I am also afraid

I am confident and I also doubt myself
I am peaceful and I am disappointed

I love people and I love solitude
I am disciplined and I also wonder aimless


I wonder if
I will ever
Truly
Believe

That my mistakes
Don't make me unworthy
My fears don't make me useless
My need for quiet does not make me weak


That I
Am not
One thing at a time
 
I am
Many things
All the time
 
All of us
All the time
Not one thing or the other
But more

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Life Stands Still

As the lives
Of those around me

Spin with
Activity

Fill with
Opportunities

Launch into
Adventures

It feels like
My life
Stands still

Stationary

Same house
Same job
Same days

No new adventures
In site

No money
To fund
New adventures
If they came

Not sure I mind
The stillness

Given my need
For calm

Yet
Some lives spinning
Some lives still

And me here
Watching it all

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Psychosis

Words that spill out fast
Unable to keep up
With the pace of thoughts
Moving faster

Everything seen
As a sign
Of something else

Numbers and patterns
And meaning
That is not there

Nonsensical ideas repeated

Certainty that you
Are someone
You are not

A very clear mission
In your mind
And no ability
To explain
The logic of it

Middle of the night
Wake ups to share
Garbled thoughts
No concept of the time
Or interruption

A loud and
Demanding
Listen To Me
Tone

And you won’t stop talking
Talking
Talking

Because you are manic
Manic
Manic

On the fast track
To psychosis

Unaware
Of how fast
You are spiraling

Oblivious
To your need
For help

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Holding A Poem

At times
Holding a poem
That is unfolding inside
Can feel heavy

The words
Lining up
To give voice
To pain

Other times
The poem being held
Links together inside
With ease

The words
Floating and light
Happy
In their release

Each poem
In need of shelter
As it forms

Today
The poem
I’m holding inside
Is heavy

And my job
Is only this

To show it respect
And hold it close

And give it the time required
To form the words it needs
To be free

Vulnerable In This World

I can’t help but notice
They are so
Unprotected
Fragile
Vulnerable
In this world

Our children

But over time
With teaching
Lessons can be learned

With practice
Their little bodies
Will get stronger

Until someday
They no longer need
Our protection

I can’t help but notice
They are so
Unprotected
Fragile
Vulnerable
In this world

Our parents

The lessons they
Were meant to learn
Long since learned

Their weakening bodies
Never to be returned
To the strength of the past

From this point forward
They now and will always
Need protection
 
Our children
Our parents

Standing at
Different ends
Of vulnerable
In this world

Because they are new here
Or preparing to leave here

Each of us
Together here

With those
That we love
Dearly here

Finding our way
Through