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Sunday, May 21, 2017

Triggers

Basil scented
Meyers brand
Cleaning solution

Humidifiers

Gift shop rocks
With the word courage
Engraved

Bronchitis

These
Are just a few
Of my triggers

Each one
Uniquely linked
To my pain

Each one demanding
That I pause
Breathe deep
And remember
A harder time

I wonder
How many of us
Have triggers
 
Triggers that serve
As a parting gift

Of a trauma survived
 
Of an experience
That has left us
Changed

Invisible and Seen

In dreams
Where others
Want to fly
 
I want only
To be
Invisible
 
With my own will
To make myself
Un-seeable
And safe

So I find it confusing
That in my life awake
Being made
To feel invisible
Offends me

When I want
To be invisible
Please let me
Disappear

But also please don’t
Disregard me
When I want
To be seen

I want to be
Both invisible
And seen

Perhaps
I want
Too much

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Crying

Our lives are crying

Crying overspending
Crying overeating

Crying busyness
Crying addiction

Crying instead
Of feeling
Our pain

So many of us crying

In different ways

Sometimes even
With tears

The Dying Is Bad

The dying
Is bad

But the suffering
Is a devastation
Unto itself

The suffering
Of those we love

Their cries of pain
And falling apart

Days prior
To leaving
This world

Yes the dying itself
Is bad

But the suffering
The suffering
Before dying

Sometimes
I think
That is worse

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Slow Myself Down

I don’t want
The pace of my life
To be ruled by
The endless
Requests of my life

I don’t want
My attention
To be drawn everywhere
But not anywhere

I want to live a life
That doesn’t go
Fast

I want to see
The people
Around me

I want to breathe
I want to listen
I want to ponder
I want to hear

I want to walk
Very slowly at times
With no direction
In mind

I want
To slow myself
Down

And be present
For every bit
Of beauty and pain

In the life
I’ve been entrusted
To live

All It Is Missing

That big game
Everyone is talking about
I won’t be at it

That concert
So many are anticipating
I won’t have tickets to
 
That destination vacation
Expected of every couple
Who reach the 20 year mark
It's not happening
 
My life isn't like that
 
Isn't let's go travel the world
 
Isn't hey look at how many
Spectacular experiences
I am cramming into
This life

Isn’t can you believe
Another bucket list item
Is checked off

My life is more
Hey good job
Paying all your bills
On time

My life is
Good show of patience
Working off
The $28K debt
You were living under
 
My life is  

Every day

Day to day

And does it hurt
When I consider

The things in life I’m missing
The places in the world I’m not seeing
The experiences I am not having

Yes it does
And deeply
At times

Yet maybe because
I see my reality
For what it is

Or maybe because
I’m not rightly wired
To dream big

There has always been
A certain contentment for me
In living the hours well

In doing the best I can
With what I’ve got
 
In knowing that
Despite all it lacks
It is every day possible
To live a great life

Rich with meaning

Strong with purpose

Enough despite
All it is missing