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Sunday, April 26, 2015

A Deep Down Fear

A deep down fear

What if
What they think
Of me
Is true

What if
I really am

A bit dull
Too literal
A slow thinker
Too sensitive
Too weak

Too trusting
Of people

Too vulnerable
For this world

What if
All that
Is true

What if
This is actually
Who I am

What if
I’ll never be
Much more
Than I am

What if
This is
Not only me

But the me
I’m meant
To be

Making all
My past attempts
To become something

Nothing more
Than so much time


I have
No control
Over what
My life brings

I have
Control only
Over my choice
To show up

I can
Show up
Each day
Of my life

And live
The day
That’s before me

Show up
Live the day

That is all
I can do

Early Grief, Later Grief

Early grief is
A deep dark
Lonely pit

A shocking fall
Off the highest cliff

An emotional wound
That causes physical pain

Early grief
Is unspeakably

Later grief is
A deep lonely pit
With the smallest
Bit of light

A high cliff fall
But less terrifying than before
Because it is familiar

A deep emotional pain
That is weirdly containable

Later grief
Is awful

Just not

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Soul Hurts

Soul hurts
Soul breaks
Soul mends
Soul sings

And then
The process


You’d think
I’d be used to it
By now

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Hard Loss

It was
A hard loss

That left
A deep wound

Left pain
That’s still here
But well managed

Left pain
That will always

Left pain
That lies low
But creeps up
To the surface
Now and then

And reminds me
To forget

But that’s ok

I’m not afraid
Of my pain

I will always
Be here
For it
When it comes

To stand
In awe
Of its depth

To acknowledge
How it
Has changed me

And then
When it’s time

To walk it
Back down
To where it rests

Until it chooses
To visit

Figure Out Why

I can’t pretend to
Figure out why

People do what they do
Say what they say
Act how they act

Why some stay
Why some go

Why some
Disengage from life
While others run towards it

I can’t pretend
And I actually
Don’t really
Want to know

Walk with me
Through this life

Part ways with me
When you
Need to

It doesn’t change
The journey
I am on

The conversations
I have
Along the way


Lives Lived In Them

What matters is not
The shine of the hardwoods
But the lives
Of the people
Who walk on them

Not the granite

Of the countertops
But the conversations
Over food
Prepared on them

Not the houses
But the lives
Lived in them

And this
Is why

Leaky roofs
Can still
Provide shelter

Crumbling houses
Can still
Be home

Sunday, April 5, 2015


I like
When people listen
And don’t quickly

When they acknowledge
What I’ve said
And let the words
Just sit there
And be
What they are
For a bit

When they haven’t
Formed an opinion
Before the sentence
Is even out
Of my mouth

When they know
That what
I most need
Is just
For my life
To be witnessed

And I
Can take it
From there

Deep Tired

I feel
Deep tired

Witnessing pain

The sadness
Of another
Take hold

Knowing a bit
About the road

Knowing a bit
About this short
Hard life

I feel
Deep tired

A type of tired
Not easily relieved
With rest