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A
deep down fear
What
if
What
they think
Of
me
Is
true
What
if
I
really am
A
bit dull
Too
literal
A
slow thinker
Too
sensitive
Too
weak
Too
trusting
Of
people
Too
vulnerable
For
this world
What
if
All
that
Is
true
What
if
This
is actually
Who
I am
What
if
I’ll
never be
Much
more
Than
I am
Today
What
if
This
is
Not
only me
But
the me
I’m
meant
To
be
Making
all
My
past attempts
To
become something
Different
Nothing
more
Than
so much time
Wasted
I have
No control
Over what
My life brings
I have
Control only
Over my choice
To show up
I can
Show up
Each day
Of my life
And live
The day
That’s before me
Show up
Live the day
That is all
I can do
Early grief is
A deep dark
Lonely pit
A shocking fall
Off the highest cliff
An emotional wound
That causes physical pain
Early grief
Is unspeakably
Awful
Later grief is
A deep lonely pit
With the smallest
Bit of light
A high cliff fall
But less terrifying than before
Because it is familiar
A deep emotional pain
That is weirdly containable
Later grief
Is awful
Too
Just not
Unspeakably
So
Soul hurts
Soul breaks
Soul mends
Soul sings
And then
The process
Repeats
This
Is
My
Life
You’d think
I’d be used to it
By now
It
was
A
hard loss
That
left
A
deep wound
Left
pain
That’s
still here
But
well managed
Left
pain
That
will always
Exist
Left
pain
That
lies low
But
creeps up
To
the surface
Now
and then
And
reminds me
Not
To
forget
But
that’s ok
I’m
not afraid
Of
my pain
I
will always
Be
here
For
it
When
it comes
To
stand
In
awe
Of
its depth
To
acknowledge
How
it
Has
changed me
And
then
When
it’s time
To
walk it
Back
down
To
where it rests
Until
it chooses
To
visit
Again
I
can’t pretend to
Figure
out why
People
do what they do
Say
what they say
Act
how they act
Why
some stay
Why
some go
Why
some
Disengage
from life
While
others run towards it
I
can’t pretend
And
I actually
Don’t
really
Want
to know
Walk
with me
Through
this life
Part
ways with me
When
you
Need
to
It
doesn’t change
The
journey
I
am on
Just
The
conversations
I
have
Along
the way
What
matters is not
The
shine of the hardwoods
But
the lives
Of
the people
Who
walk on them
Not the granite
Of
the countertops
But
the conversations
Over
food
Prepared
on them
Not
the houses
But
the lives
Lived
in them
And
this
Alone
Is
why
Leaky
roofs
Can
still
Provide
shelter
Crumbling
houses
Can
still
Be
home
I
like
When
people listen
And
don’t quickly
React
Like
When
they acknowledge
What
I’ve said
And
let the words
Just
sit there
And
be
What
they are
For
a bit
Like
When
they haven’t
Formed
an opinion
Before
the sentence
Is
even out
Of
my mouth
Like
When
they know
That
what
I
most need
Is
just
For
my life
To
be witnessed
And
I
Can
take it
From
there
I feel
Deep tired
Witnessing pain
Watching
The sadness
Of another
Take hold
Knowing a bit
About the road
Ahead
Knowing a bit
About this short
Hard life
I feel
Deep tired
A type of tired
Not easily relieved
With rest