Mercy

God’s strength
Given to me
Sustaining me
Through months
Of pain
Sounds so nice
Sounds like something
To be thankful for

But I’m torn

I feel like someone
Crushed by a truck
Every limb broken
Barely breathing
And the paramedic comes
Gives oxygen that saves me
Oxygen so that I’m awake
Aware enough to know
All my limbs are broken
Aware enough to feel
All the pain, physical and mental
Aware enough to know
There is no promise of repaired bones
No promise of life gets better now
Just awareness and pain
Awake just for that

And I wonder

Why the oxygen
Why the strength
Why the rescue at all

It doesn’t seem nice

It doesn’t seem enough
And I can’t yet see this
As a mercy