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Monday, November 24, 2014

Depression Stew

You know
What it’s like
To walk into
A home
Where something’s
Been simmering
All day

Maybe beef stew
In a crock pot
Or Italian sauce
On the stove

The scent
Fills the home
Envelops all
Who enter

Depression
Is like that too

The scent
When you enter
The home
Of someone
Who’s simmered
All day
In sadness

A distinct
Texture
In the air

A face
Imprinted
With sleep

A mind foggy, disengaged

The unmistakable
Disheartening
Scent of it

Depression stew

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Choose

Choose life or
Choose death

But don’t stay here
In the middle
Of nowhere
Suffering

You can’t

I can’t

It’s too much

Just
Choose

 

 

 

 

My Terms

Early on
When pain
Was new

I was off
And running
Full steam ahead
At the first sign
Of crisis

At the first
Sign of trouble
I was there
In the driver’s seat
Engine revving
Pedal to the floor
Before I could even
Fasten myself in

But not anymore

I’m not
Getting right
In the car
This time

And when I do get in
I’m not going fast

I’m going to
Take a breath first
Fasten my belt
See what directions are available
And make sure
I have provisions
For the journey

My terms now

We get there
When we get there

We end up
Where we end up

I drive the car now

The car doesn’t
Drive me
 

 

Sunday, November 9, 2014

When It's Quiet

I need
To be
So quiet now


Go deep
Within my soul

Find the calm
I know is there

Find the quiet
Where peace lives

Hard to find
But findable

When it’s quiet
In my soul

Depression

It is hard
To share life
With depression

Hard
To even admit
How hard it is

The energy it takes
Not to let his sadness
Take me down

How heavy it is
To lift
Two people

How sad it is
To live with someone
Who hasn’t one spec
Of the hope of a dream
For the future
Much less a plan
For tomorrow

How hard
It is
To know
Someday
I will need
To decide

But not today

I’ve lost him
My happy traveling companion

Lost the days
Of carefree adventures
Only long hard journeys now

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Watched Your Life Change

Have you ever
Watched your life change

Before your eyes

Saw in slow motion
Everything important
Fall away

Reached out hands
In a frantic attempt
To grab some pieces
Before they were gone

And come up empty

Have you ever
Watched your life change

Watched everything familiar
Sink into a hole
Taking with it
The map
For your life

Have you ever
Watched your life change

Known instantly
Nothing more
Could be done
To save it

Known only
The life
Left behind
Was staring you
In the face
Asking the impossible
Still needing
To be lived

Small

I refuse
To feel small

In the presence
Of those
Who don’t
See me

Or care
To know me

I’m plenty big
On the inside

I’m stand alone strong

And I don’t need
To be seen

To know
I’m here

Heart

My Heart
Breaks open

When I see
The hearts of others
Break open

That’s why
I think
My heart
Will never again
Be whole

So much brokenness in me
So much brokenness around me

And my heart
Breaks open
To hold
It all