Trust Good

There have been
Great kindnesses
Done to us
During this time

I name them in my head

I list them out on paper
I think of them and
I can’t believe
The love, the sacrifice

But I am also

A little frozen
A little numb
Because this time
Has been
Mostly bad

Mostly disappointing

Mostly painful
Mostly scary
Mostly lonely
Mostly difficult

Unbearably

Unmercifully
Difficult

Mostly bad

For enough months
That when good comes
It is almost painful

It just hurts

To hope

Because

Hope doesn’t seem to pan out
Good doesn’t seem to stay

I think that bad

Will have to just
Back off a bit
Before I can enjoy hope
Before I can trust good