Stopping

Stopping
Taking a look around
Taking inventory of what is
Not liking what I see when I stop
Not liking how lonely life is at its core
This is what empty feels like

Stopping

Taking a breath
Realizing that I still don’t know what’s next
But whatever is next
No one is going to do it for me
Not liking how hard life still is
This is what tired feels like

Stopping

Lets the empty tiredness
Catch up with me

Stopping

Only makes it harder
To start again
That old rule about
Something in motion
Being easier to maintain
Than starting something up

Stopping makes me afraid

That one of these times
I won’t have the energy
To start again

Maybe if I think of it

As a pause
Instead of a stop

Maybe if just one of these times

When I paused or stopped
There was anything waiting for me
Other than nothing
I would do it more

Or maybe it’s that

I have to pause or stop now
To make things less empty
To make me less tired

Maybe before

I needed to stay busy

Maybe now

I need to stay still

Or maybe whether busy or still

Or paused or stopped
It’s just going to be hard
For a little while longer
For a long while longer
For as long as it takes