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Thursday, July 25, 2013

All That I'm Not

It’s confusing
Trying to figure out who I am
By considering all I’m not

Because I’m not a lot of things

And defining myself by what I’m not
Leaves so much unsaid
Gives an incomplete picture

I am a girl
Whose favorite color is not red
Who favorite food is not seafood
Who favorite exercise is not spinning
Who doesn’t enjoy theatre or plays, even Broadway don’t know why
Who doesn’t like church
Who doesn’t like bullshit
Who doesn’t make time for people who aren’t real
Who has no dreams

I’d rather define myself by what I am
But there is still a lot I don’t know about that
I just know the basics

I am a girl
Who likes jewel toned anything
Who likes gnocchi with pesto or alfredo who cares if it is bad for me
Who likes to dance though I’m not very good at it
Who is moved by music with honest lyrics
Who admires kindness in people above anything else
Who requires laughter to survive
Who smiles inside when she is around authentic people
Who feels pain when anyone mentions their “bucket lists”
       Which are known in my world as “fucket lists”
       Because they require hope beyond my reach 
       And because swears makes the saddest things funny - always

I’m not who I was
I know who I’m not
I’m not sure who I am

Like a lump of stone
Being chiseled down
I’m trying to be patient
With all the time it is taking
To chisel away all that isn’t
And find out what is