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Thursday, July 25, 2013

Fail

It makes sense to me
That marriages fail
Because one person
Doesn’t love the other

But what about
Marriages that fail
Because one person
Doesn’t love anything

Isn’t capable
For several months a year
Of caring about anything
Of engaging with life

No vision for seeing
Is difficult
No vision for living
Impossible

And it brings impossible questions

But there is comfort in knowing
The hardest questions
Have already been answered

Will I make it if he doesn’t?
           Yes. No doubt at all

Can I live without him?
           Yes. I’m doing it now

I know I will make it

So all other questions
Are questions
With answers
That can’t break me

What will I do if he doesn’t get better?
          Don’t know but I’d figure it out 
 
When will I know it’s too much?
          Probably when it feels more
          Like a fact than a decision

Wouldn’t starting over be overwhelming?
          It’s overwhelming either way

What would people say?
          Don’t really care

What would happen to him?
           And this is the worst of the questions
           The answer is I don’t know and
           I can’t control another’s future

The point is
I am no longer afraid of the questions

I don’t want
My marriage
To fail

And I don’t think it will

I just know
If it did fail
I would survive

Because there is not much in life
I can’t survive now

And knowing
That I will survive
With him or without him
Gives me
Peace