Old vs. New vs. Now

A continuation of "Old vs. New" (poem #10, originally written in July 2012)

Old and New Beliefs (originally written July 2012)

Maybe

Maybe it's not God who has failed me. Maybe it's not God who has been obliterated from my life.

Maybe it's my understanding of who I thought God was that has been destroyed. The understanding. Not God himself. My understanding is not the same. I don't necessarily like what I know now. Who would? It is much much different than before.

Old Belief

There is a God
God is in control of the world
God allows horror in our lives
When He allows horror, God will stay by your side
God may or may not restore that which was taken during the horror
God will show you a reason for the horror
You continue to love, trust, and serve Him because
         He loves you
               He won’t ever leave you &
                        Together you can get through anything
                 
New Belief
There is a God
God is in control of the world
God allows horror in our lives
When He allows horror, God may or may not stay by your side
God may or may not restore that which was taken during the horror
God may or may not show you a reason for the horror
You are expected to love, trust, and serve Him even though
       He doesn’t show His love for you
            He hides himself from you during your darkest days
                 He allows you to struggle through life alone
                 for long periods of time

Now Beliefs (written May 2013)

Now Belief

There is a God
God loves the world
Horror happens in our lives
When horror happens, God weeps and moves people
 – his hands and feet - to bring relief
Sometimes there is so much pain that God can’t be heard
Sometimes what is lost cannot be restored
There is beauty in the world at the same time there is horror
You love, trust and serve him
         Because he made this world
               And he sees what is happening here
                    And someday he will be back to redeem it

Biggest changes
I used to think that God allowed things.
   Now I think things just happen.

I used to think God popped in and out of life.

   Like if you prayed hard enough
          You could pray him down to intervene in a situation
                But that never really made sense or sat well

I used to think God had a plan

   And the plan was something he tinkered with
          All the time in everyday situations
             Something that was always in motion and changing
                 So God planning or allowing blindness in our lives
                       Was a necessary part of a bigger picture
                           And God allowing early death, pains, disasters
                               Also a necessary part of a bigger picture


Now I think God had a plan
   And the plan is that he created the world and set it in motion
          And he intended it for good
              But it has become a fallen world
                  So he offers us Himself during our time here
                        Until the time comes
                              When he comes back and
                                  Make things right

I don’t believe

You can pray him down to intervene
In matters of protection or healing
Because danger and sickness
Are built into the fabric of the fallen world
                                                      
But I do believe

God speaks to people
       Moves in their hearts
       Gives wisdom
       Moves them to move

And praying for wisdom
       Or the quietness of heart to hear God
       Or for guidance on how to relieve this fallen world
       Is beautiful

I do think God knows the beginning from the end

I don’t think he controls the middle
But I do think he works through people
To make the middle more tolerable

I think God’s net is a lot wider than Christians believe it is. I think a lot of people are doing God’s work. I think God works through all people, not only through those who have faith in him.

There is just so much I don’t know like…

Does he work through surgeons to perform successful surgeries? And is that what looks a lot like God answering prayers for healing?

Does he work through weather people to identify storms early so people can get to safety? And is that what looks a lot like God answering prayers for protection?

If that is the case, are healing and protection a question of whether people are sensing God and doing what he nudges them to do?

Does God heal at all? A gift from God to person? Just because? Ever?

And if he does, does that have anything to do with the prayers of people?

If you say you trust God, what are you trusting him with? Trusting that he hears when we call maybe? Trusting that he cares? Trusting that he can work through people? But not trusting that he will make things on this earth ok.

So much I just don’t know

Maybe will never know
But I can live with the unknown
And just live what I think I know

Just need to find other people

Who can live with me
Living the unknown
And living what I think I know

Not much company in this territory

Table for one please