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Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Depression Birthday

I think the one thing worse
Than having your husband forget your birthday
Is having him remember it
And not think it worthy of celebration
 
To have that be the day
He opts to sleep in
And not make you at least a waffle
And instead have you make him breakfast

To do exactly the opposite
Of the one thing
In lieu of a gift
You told him just the night before
Would make your day

Sleep all day

To come home to
Not a gift …no surprise there - he told you he didn’t have that
Or a card…though he had time to get or make one during his day of nothing else planned
Or a clean house…that would have been a great gift
Or a set table…how hard would that have been
Or a simple “Happy Birthday” written on that erasable kitchen sign you write everything fun on
Or any conversation during the time you ate the pizza you ordered
Not even that

No effort expended
No remorse

More sad than mad now
That 6 months later
He is still so far inside himself
That empathy
And compassion
And basic human concern for others
Are still nowhere to be found

He did stay awake
Through the movie you bought
And had been wanting to see for months
But was sleeping shortly after that
 
Giving you time
To have a good cry
Over just how bad
Someone you love
Can make you feel
On your birthday
Whatever the reason