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Sunday, December 1, 2013

This Season

This season
I’m letting go of
Yankee swaps

Like how
In years past
I let go 
Of Christmas cards
And am happier for it
And if anyone is offended
I don’t know it

Like how
This season
I thought about saying 
How about gifts for kids only
And adults
Can just bring food
And relax together
In peace
Then someone else said it
And it’s done
And it feels right

This season
What I want to say is
No offense
But all these swaps add up
$50 this year if I do it
$50 lost to silly things
$50 I’d much rather spend
On me (or him)
But mostly
Let’s be honest
On me

What I want to say is
It’s been a rough few years
Holding things together

What I want to say is
Last year we bought each other nothing
Not one thing Christmas morning
For various reasons
And that’s not
Going to happen 

I’d like to say these things
And not feel like a grinch

I’d like to say these things
And not have people feel bad
Or give me money
So I can be part of the swaps

Because I don’t feel bad
For not having money
And not enjoying swaps
I don’t feel bad
About missing out
On traditions
That don’t mean much
To me

I do feel bad
About spending resources
On things that don’t matter
Or make people feel loved anyway

I feel most bad
About how it would look to others
About the thought of being pitied

I will put my pride aside
I can do that
If it means
I get to have a
Gifts for kids
Christmas card free
Yankee swap less

And just enjoy this season
In simple quiet ways