This Season

This season
I’m letting go of
Yankee swaps

Like how

In years past
I let go 
Of Christmas cards
And am happier for it
And if anyone is offended
I don’t know it

Like how

This season
I thought about saying 
How about gifts for kids only
And adults
Can just bring food
And relax together
In peace
Then someone else said it
And it’s done
And it feels right

This season

What I want to say is
No offense
But all these swaps add up
$50 this year if I do it
$50 lost to silly things
$50 I’d much rather spend
On me (or him)
But mostly
Let’s be honest
On me

What I want to say is

It’s been a rough few years
Holding things together

What I want to say is

Last year we bought each other nothing
Not one thing Christmas morning
For various reasons
And that’s not
Going to happen 
Again

I’d like to say these things

And not feel like a grinch

I’d like to say these things

And not have people feel bad
Or give me money
So I can be part of the swaps

Because I don’t feel bad
For not having money
And not enjoying swaps
 
I don’t feel bad
About missing out
On traditions
That don’t mean much
To me

I do feel bad

About spending resources
On things that don’t matter
Or make people feel loved anyway

Strange

I feel most bad
About how it would look to others
About the thought of being pitied

I will put my pride aside

 
I can do that
If it means
I get to have a
Gifts for kids
Christmas card free
Yankee swap less
Christmas

And just enjoy this season
In simple quiet ways