Abundance

I have felt lack
For so long
That I no longer
Recognize
Abundance

Or maybe

I recognize it
But I sure don’t
Trust it

The thought

Of abundance
Hurts

Brings painful memories

Of what it was like
When things weren't
So difficult

Reminds me

Of my reality

How hard it is

To make things work

How hard it is

To live a life
Stuck together
With duck tape
And the hope
That things might hold

I’ve done

Without enough
For long enough
That when abundance
Comes my way
It doesn’t feel trustworthy

Feels more like a trick
Meant to distract me
Stop my momentum
Make me wish for more
Then leave me
In the dust

When did

I become
So distrustful
Of good things

That is not

A trait
I like
In me

That is something

I’ll try to fix
In me
 
Something
Pain has stolen
That I will
Work on
Getting back

So if ever

Abundance
Comes to stay
It will find itself
Welcomed