Shut Doors

I used to wonder
What would be worse

Having something precious

And losing it
Or living a whole life
Without something precious

Knowing only

What you’ve always had or
Forever knowing
What you’ve lost

I used to wonder

But I don’t wonder
Any more

I think now

That it’s worse
To know
What you’ve lost

Worse to have doors

To happier times
Slammed shut
So painfully
In so many ways

Worse to have doors

Shut and solid
Except for a tiny cruel window
That lets you peer through
And see clearly 
All you used to have
All you can’t have now

I wish I didn’t remember

What a good life was

I wish I didn’t know

What was beyond the
Shut doors