It Hurts

Realizing
My efforts
Aren’t working
Hurts

But so much hurts

Right now

It hurts to hold on

It hurts to step away

It hurts to watch him

Disengage

It hurts to

Go to bed after him
Get up before him
Barely a good night
Or a good morning

It hurts that he doesn’t

Say much when I’m home or
Miss me when I’m gone

It hurts that his life

Includes no one
But him

It hurts that he

Never make plans
Has nothing to look forward to

It hurts that he is

Not clear minded
Off medicine
Not present
With medicine

It hurts

That it’s becoming
A relief
Less work for me

To stop working so hard to

Have conversation with him
Have a life with him
Be home with him

A relief

But so sad
That whether I’m
Wearing myself out
To keep him

Or wondering

How much longer
Until I leave him

He doesn’t notice

A difference
Has no response
Either way

Lives alone

Inside his head
With his pain

And leaves me

Out here
Where
It hurts