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Sunday, August 18, 2013

It Hurts

Realizing
My efforts
Aren’t working
Hurts

But so much hurts
Right now

It hurts to hold on
It hurts to step away

It hurts to watch him
Disengage

It hurts to
Go to bed after him
Get up before him
Barely a good night
Or a good morning

It hurts that he doesn’t
Say much when I’m home or
Miss me when I’m gone

It hurts that his life
Includes no one
But him

It hurts that he
Never make plans
Has nothing to look forward to

It hurts that he is
Not clear minded
Off medicine
Not present
With medicine

It hurts
That it’s becoming
A relief
Less work for me

To stop working so hard to
Have conversation with him
Have a life with him
Be home with him

A relief
But so sad
That whether I’m
Wearing myself out
To keep him

Or wondering
How much longer
Until I leave him

He doesn’t notice
A difference
Has no response
Either way

Lives alone
Inside his head
With his pain

And leaves me
Out here
Where
It hurts

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