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Monday, January 13, 2014

Why

I don’t wonder anymore
How this happened to my life
Or why this happened
To me

Why did my husband go blind
Why did he break
Why the delusion
Why the trauma
Why the police
Why the assault
Why the restraints
Why the destroyed sense of safety
Why the hospitals that failed him
Why medications that were toxic to him
Why the unskilled providers
Why the heartless insurance companies
Why thoughts of suicide
Why four hospitalizations
Why post traumatic stress
Why so much unbearable pain

I don’t wonder why anymore

But honestly
I do wonder 
Why others think
This happened

Because what they decide
About why this happened
To me, to us

Reveals everything
About why
They think
Anything
Happens to
Anyone

So if asked I would say
Go ahead and decide why
But don’t be lazy
With the conclusions

If you are sure
This was God’s plan
Trace this plan of God’s
Back to its purpose
To its benefit
To how it worked for good
 
If you do find the good
Dare to ask yourself
Was the good
So good
That it justified the bad

Don’t downplay my horror
Let it sit side by side
With your beliefs
 
Let this pain of mine
Help you revisit
What you believe about
The kind of people
Bad things happen to
 
Decide for yourself
Just don’t decide
Without thinking

Like I did
For too many years

Taking the path of least resistance
Drawing convenient conclusions

That didn’t hold up
When life let me down

That left me empty
When I needed
To know why