What Is Bugging Me

Just what
Is bugging me
Today
A question
I ask myself
A lot

Today

What is bugging me
Is the lack
Of acknowledgement
Of the journey
I am on
And the places
I’ve been
Along the way

Two things

That have been 
Acknowledged well
Are that
Suffering happens
And that
God will use the suffering

But everything else
All that occurs
Between “suffering happens”
And “God will use it”
Is ignored

And that

Just really
Bugs me

The assumption that

Because God will use it
The suffering is worth it

The insistence that
What I believe
About suffering
Cannot deviate
From what other people
Who love God
But have suffered differently or less
Believe about suffering
 
I have suffered
God may use it
The suffering
Is not worth
Whatever God
Might do with it

And rather than

Hate God
For my suffering
I changed my beliefs about God
And about suffering
It was the only choice
 
Suffering
Has changed
Everything I believe
And for that
I am thankful

But I won’t

Downplay 
My suffering

And won’t accept those

Who downplay it
On my behalf
So they don’t have to
Look deeper
See suffering for what it is 
And rethink
Their own beliefs
As I have mine