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Sunday, September 22, 2013

Heard

It confused me
For a while
That though there were  
So many helpers
I didn’t feel helped

Lots of people around
Doing things that were kind
So why
Did I feel
So alone

I think
It has to do
With this

They offered a lot

They brought help
In tangible forms
That I accepted
Food
Company
A shoulder

But they also brought pain
A belief system
That I rejected
God planned this for you
All works for good
It will turn out ok

Material comfort
Spiritual isolation

No one to blame really
Help in any form is kind

No one to blame
Because beliefs are personal
Should never be forced

No one to blame but also
No one to confide in
About the disconnect
Between what I knew of God
And what was now my life

My material needs
Were well met
By loving people

But the help that
Would have made me
Feel helped
Feel cared for
Feel not so alone
Was spiritual

Help in the form
Of words that said
I don’t know where God is in this
This doesn’t make sense
With what I believe about God either
This doesn’t seem to be getting better

That help
Was not found
In church

And that
Rejection
Of the reality
I was living and still live

Has left a scar
Deep in my soul
That is taking
A long time

To heal

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