Helped

It confused me
For a while
That though there were  
So many helpers
I didn’t feel helped

Lots of people around

Doing things that were kind
So why
Did I feel
So alone

I think

It has to do
With this

They offered a lot

They brought help

In tangible forms
That I accepted
Food
Company
A shoulder

But they also brought pain

A belief system
That I rejected
God planned this for you
All works for good
It will turn out ok

Material comfort

Spiritual isolation

No one to blame really
Help in any form is kind

No one to blame

Because beliefs are personal
Should never be forced

No one to blame but also

No one to confide in
About the disconnect
Between what I knew of God
And what was now my life

My material needs

Were well met
By loving people

But the help that

Would have made me
Feel helped
Feel cared for
Feel not so alone
Was spiritual

Help in the form

Of words that said
I don’t know where God is in this
This doesn’t make sense
With what I believe about God either
This doesn’t seem to be getting better

That help

Was not found
In church

And that

Rejection
Of the reality
I was living and still live

Has left a scar

Deep in my soul
That is taking
A long time
To heal