Everywhere

I see God now
In everything
Everywhere
All the time

In people

In clouds
In passing comments
In furry pets
In warm souls
In wonderful food

Unmistakably there

God

That I see
So clearly now
Without effort

How come

I couldn’t
See you then

God

That I want to believe
Is everywhere
All the time

Where were you

When my world
Went black

I want to know

Because how

Can I say
You are everywhere
Always
If I can’t
Figure out
Where you were

Exactly where were you God

Where was my help

As he was starting to lose his mind

As his confusion grew deeper
When my sense of safety fell apart
When he covered himself in feces
When he screamed threats in my face
When hospitals released him unwell
When I was begging for guidance
When I lived for months
A breath away
From the edge
Of a black hole
To nowhere

Were you there at all

Were you there

In people
In clouds
In passing comments
In furry pets
In warm souls
In wonderful food
But I didn’t see You
Because none
Of those things
Mattered

And if you were there

Then why
Weren’t you there
In ways I could see

Why weren’t you there

In ways that mattered

So hard still

For me
To accept

That I’m sure

You knew
Where I was God

But I just

Don’t know
Where you were