I Am 46

I am 46
But will be 51
When the new windows
Just installed
To replace the ones
Literally crumbling
Off of our house
Are paid off

I am 46

With still one year left to pay
On the smartly paved driveway
Which replaced the one
With the dirt sunken holes
That made it undriveable

I am 46

And the stone stairs
That lead into my home
Have just this week
Disintegrated
Which is immediately hazardous
And imminently costly

I am 46

And have once again
Set aside my dream
Of standing in the shadows
Of the Sequoias
Even on our 20th anniversary
 
Not because we don’t deserve this
Everybody deserves this

But because

I still can’t
Afford it

And all of this
Is so incredibly
Disappointing

Until I remember
 
I am 46
With a car parked comfortably
In my paved driveway
And stone stairs
That lead into a home
With warm new windows
 
A home that is safe
A home that is a refuge
A home that is nice to be inside of
A home that is enough

And I think

How lucky I am
At 46
To have
All this