Triggers

Basil scented
Meyers brand
Cleaning solution

Humidifiers

Gift shop rocks

With the word courage
Engraved

Bronchitis

These

Are just a few
Of my triggers

Each one

Uniquely linked
To my pain

Each one demanding

That I pause
Breathe deep
And remember
A harder time

I wonder

How many of us

Have triggers

 

Triggers that serve

As a parting gift

Of a trauma survived

 
Of an experience
That has left us
Changed

Invisible and Seen

In dreams
Where others
Want to fly
 
I want only
To be
Invisible
 
With my own will
To make myself
Un-seeable
And safe

So I find it confusing

That in my life awake

Being made
To feel invisible
Offends me

When I want

To be invisible
Please let me
Disappear

But also please don’t

Disregard me
When I want
To be seen

I want to be

Both invisible
And seen

Perhaps

I want
Too much

Crying

Our lives are crying

Crying overspending

Crying overeating

Crying busyness
Crying addiction

Crying instead

Of feeling

Our pain

So many of us crying

In different ways

Sometimes even

With tears

The Dying Is Bad

The dying
Is bad

But the suffering

Is a devastation
Unto itself

The suffering

Of those we love

Their wasting bodies

And crumbling minds

Days prior

To leaving
This world

Yes the dying itself

Is bad

But the suffering

The suffering
Before dying

Sometimes

I think
That is worse

Slow Myself Down

I don’t want
The pace of my life
To be ruled by
The endless
Requests of my life

I don’t want

My attention
To be drawn everywhere
But not anywhere

I want to live a life

That doesn’t go
Fast

I want to see

The people
Around me

I want to breathe
I want to listen
I want to ponder
I want to hear

I want to walk

Very slowly at times
With no direction
In mind

I want

To slow myself
Down

And be present

For every bit
Of beauty and pain

In the life

I’ve been entrusted
To live

All It Is Missing

That big game
Everyone is talking about
I won’t be at it

That concert

So many are anticipating

I won’t have tickets to
 
That destination vacation

Expected of every couple

Who reach the 20 year mark

It's not happening

 

My life isn't like that

 

Isn't let's go travel the world

 

Isn't hey look at how many

Spectacular experiences

I am cramming into
This life

Isn’t can you believe

Another bucket list item
Is checked off

My life is more
Hey good job
Paying all your bills
On time

My life is

Good show of patience

Working off

The $28K debt

You were living under

 

My life is  

Every day

Day to day

And does it hurt

When I consider

The things in life I’m missing

The places in the world I’m not seeing
The experiences I am not having

Yes it does

And deeply
At times

Yet maybe because

I see my reality
For what it is

Or maybe because

I’m not rightly wired
To dream big

There has always been

A certain contentment for me
In living the hours well

In doing the best I can

With what I’ve got
 
In knowing that
Despite all it lacks
It is every day possible
To live a great life

Rich with meaning

Strong with purpose

Enough despite
All it is missing