Always A Choice

There is
Always
A choice

Raw food or Fritos

Hope or Despair
Move towards or
Move away from
 
Choices
Limited at times
But always
There
For the making

Honor

I want
My changed life
Acknowledged
Not ignored

I want

The truth of my life
Honored
Not misrepresented

I don’t

Require help
With my new life

But I do

Have some
Requests

Don’t look

Into my life
And conclude
It hasn’t changed

Don’t hold

Yourself up
As more holy
Or wise

Don’t pity me

Or patronize me

Because if

You do
These things

I’ll have
To shut
You out
 
And honor
What is
And what’s changed
Without you

See

I feel 
A terrible ache
For my old life
The ease of it

I feel

A pain inside
That leaves me weak
Defenseless

I feel

A hurt
That catches me off guard
With its depth

I feel my wounds

And accept them
As part of me

Invisible wounds

So obvious to me

But not to others

I wonder
What do people see
When they look at me

I wonder

If they can’t see
The biggest parts of me
The things that have
Most shaped me

What is it

That they see

War

I wonder
When faith
Became
A war

Us vs. Them

I don’t know

What God asks
Of others

But God

Hasn’t asked me
To enlist
In an army

The Lord’s army

Any army

To make

Protection
Of boundaries
The trademark
Of my faith

I am not

At war

I am not

Afraid of differences

I do not

Feel threatened
In the least
By my fellow
Humans

All I know

Is I was walking
With God
With others around me
And somehow the walk
Turned into

A march

A protest
A movement
I never
Signed up for

So I am

Continuing
The walk
But separating
From the march

Walking

On my own
With a different philosophy
About what
God came
To do

About how

God would act
If here

I don’t

Think God would hide
Behind a barricade
Shooting arrows
At those who
Live differently

I think

God would walk
Among people
Unprotected, unthreatened

Loving them

Hearing them
Honoring them
 
Not warring with them

Just inviting them
Peacefully
To walk alongside

I Did Not

I did not
Fall
Away

I was shot

From a rocket
Away from
Everything
I knew

And I survived

And rose up
And realized

Where I came from

Was not a place
I could
Return to

I did not

Leave
Home

My house

Burned to ash
Around me
Requiring that
I make
My home
Elsewhere

I did not

Walk away
From God

Though for a time

If God was there
God wasn’t
Findable

Shot far away

Home burned to ash
God not found

You don’t
Journey back
From that

You journey forward

You don’t

Rebuild
With old plans

You build new

You don’t

Set limits
On where
God is found

You set your gaze wider

So I journey forward

And I build new
And I gaze wider

Not because
I fell away
Or walked away

But because

This was
The only
Way

I Put

I put
Good food
In my body
Today

I took

Myself
For a walk

I filled

My mind
With things
That give hope

I stopped

For a minute
To dream

I paused
To honor
The deep hurt
Within me

I read things

That made
Me laugh

These

Are the things
I must do

These

Are the things
No one
Can do
For me

These are

The things
That make my life
Worth living

And though
They take effort
And time
And strength

They
Also
Give
Life

And I

Am worth it