Human

It is human

To be sad

When sad 

Things happen

 

Human to despair

Over the unthinkable

Unfolding 

 

Human to wonder

 

Do I have what it takes

To make it through 

What generations before me

Have not

 

A good question

To be sure

 

One that can only

Be answered

With time

Not Going To Answer It

I do not multi task

 

So if the phone rings

At a time when

I’m doing literally

Anything else

 

I’m not going to answer it

 

If it rings 

While I’m driving 

In my 20 year old

Bluetooth less Toyota

I’m not going to answer it

 

But also

If I did have Bluetooth

Even then

I wouldn’t answer it 

 

If my phone rings

While I’m home

Finally making a recipe

I’ve been waiting to try

I’m not going to answer it

 

If it rings

During the hour

I have happily set aside

To get lost in a read

I’m not going to answer it 

 

Should it ring

At days end 

While I’m  scrolling 

Social media 

Yes even then 

I won’t be answering it

 

If I’m talking 

In person

With any human

Be it neighbor, friend 

Mailman or cashier 

I’m not going to answer it

 

If I’m peacefully sitting

With my dog

Petting her

And telling her again

That she’s a queen

I’m not going to answer it

 

If I’m sitting on my couch

Silently going over words

In my head 

That will one day become 

A poem

I’m not going to answer it

 

There is a line

Sprawled for miles 

Of things fighting 

For my time 

 

And if I don’t protect 

What’s important to me

It disappears

 

And I can’t have that

 

So if you have a question

Maybe email it

 

That I will answer 

Usually the same day

But only

During the moments of my day

That I’m not already doing

Something I enjoy

So much more

Juneteenth

If you have information   

That you know 

Could instantly lift 

An unbearable burden 

Off the back 

Of a fellow human

 

But opt not to share it

 

Because un-complicating 

Someone else’s life 

Might complicate

Yours 

 

Then you suck

 

And if you are not interested

In exposing yourself to facts

 

In learning as an adult

What you were never taught 

As a child 

 

Than at least have the sense

Not to be the loudest one 

In the room

 

What heavy burden 

Are you carrying

Today

 

Maybe bankruptcy 

Or cancer

Or something else

Too painful

To mention

 

What if someone

Walked through the door right now

And brought the solution 

 

Told you that

A huge surprise inheritance

Had just paid your debts

 

Told you that

The cure for cancer

Had been found

 

Told you the suffering was over

 

And though 

The last many years

Had nearly broken you

 

Required you 

To make impossible choices

As you scraped together a life

With no funds

 

Required you 

To say goodbye

To those you loved dearly

As cancer took them 

From this earth

 

What if you then learned

That the inheritance left to you

Was supposed to be given

Nearly three years ago

 

That the cure for cancer

Had really been found

Long before 

Those you loved 

Died 

 

You might still

Be thankful 

For the windfall

For the cure

 

But you’d also damn sure

Be angry

 

That such life altering information 

Was intentionally withheld 

 

And when finally

You realized

That this injustice 

Was by design

 

You’d see 

As well

How little

Has changed

Sometimes Things Fall Apart

Sometimes 

Things fall 

Apart

 

Completely 

Unexpectedly

Unfathomably

 

Everything 

That matters

Destroyed

 

And all

That can

Be done

 

Is nothing really

 

Only wait

Bear witness

Give name

To the pain

That took

Everything

 

Maybe one day 

Years later

Relearn 

To breathe

 

Maybe one day

Write the story

Of what you’ve 

Lived through 

 

Maybe one day

Look the ending

Loss has written you

Dead in the eyes

 

Hold its gaze

 

Pick up a pen

Rewrite 

Help

On our town Facebook page recently, a plea for help went out to find an adorable little dog that had managed to break free from his owner and run off into the unknown. I am not sure how other towns roll when things like this happen but we are a town of dog lovers and once activated, the search is on. We screen shot the number to call if the dog is sighted; we check under our sheds and porches in hopes of finding the missing pup; we drive extra slow on streets where there have been sightings; we set out extra water bowls on our back porches at night lest the escapee becomes parched mid-adventure; we bring extra treats and leashes when we walk our own dogs; we don’t sleep well at night knowing someone’s dog is out fending for itself against the coyotes, traffic and presumed abject loneliness; and we check the original Facebook post incessantly hoping to see a post confirming that the dog has been found. In short, we care a lot. If we are fortunate enough to be the home that the missing dog trots up to when flight mode gives way to exhaustion, we welcome the furry little fugitive into our home with open arms, providing water and unlimited snacks with one hand while relaying the good news via phone to the frantic owner with the other. 

We would do anything for each other’s dogs.

 
This particular rebel dog went missing for six days. That is a long time for a dog used to predictable meal times, snuggly bedding and its own well stocked toybox to survive in the literal wild. This renegade pup was seen multiple times all over town. He was small but freakishly fast. Several follow up posts on Facebook said things like: “Saw the dog and it ran right by me into the woods” or “Saw the dog and could not catch it”. The poor little thing was terrified and its strongest reaction was to run as fast as it could away.

 

And I got to thinking. 

 

Here we have a desperately lost dog who - though he might have been having fun at first - days in was surely feeling the stress of missing his family and not having food or a safe place to sleep. At the same time, we also have a whole town of humans who want nothing more than to find this dog, provide it with comfort and safety and reunite it with its family. Every day and night, this dog ran past hundreds of homes not realizing that if he had walked up to any porch and cried out, help would have been immediate. His pain and confusion would have been over. His needs would have been met. No one would have considered his need for help to be an inconvenience. In fact, it would have been considered an honor to help him. 

 

I think something similar holds true for lost people.

When we are at our lowest. When we are running scared. When we have lost the way back home. When we are running as fast as we can away because we can’t tell who might help us from who might hurt us. When we are exhausted and terrified and every day running fast into the dark woods.

 

We sometimes forget that we are surrounded by help.

 

We forget that if we show up exhausted on someone’s hypothetical front porch - in whatever state of distress we are in - we will likely be met with kindness, a warm blanket, nourishment, a listening ear, and the assurance that all days won’t be as hard as the days we’ve just survived.  Our request for help wouldn’t be considered an inconvenience. The people around us would be honored to help. 

There is a lot of pain in the world and some seasons of pain nearly break us. But we are surrounded by people who would be honored to accompany us through hard times and happy to  carry some of the load. 

 

They just need to know we need help.

 

Thankfully, this runaway dog story had a happy ending and the pup is now back with his family likely living his best life once again. He wasn’t lost forever. We are not lost forever either. Sometimes we just need a little help getting back home. 

 

 

  

 

Extremes

While we sit and point fingers at each other

Over whose fault 

Mass shootings are

 

Can we start by addressing the extremes

 

Can we make space to rethink different beliefs 

and go from 

If you believe differently than me you are wrong to

If you believe differently than me then just maybe

You’ve had a different experience

And I’m curious to hear what that is

 

Can mental health advocates, gun advocates, and anti-hate advocates find common ground

 

Wherever our views fall

On these complicated issues

Can we agree that

 

Most people with mental health issues are not murderers*

 

Most gun owners are not murderers** 

 

And whether it’s born into people

Or groomed and grown

Hatred is not welcome here 

Holy hate included

 

Can we acknowledge

That danger grows unchecked and fastest

At mental health, gun ownership, and hatred’s 

Extreme edges 

 

That the waters get murky 

When we talk about

 

The plight of un-hospitalized people with psychosis who need help but can’t get admitted

 

Who can own Assault Rifles, and if it’s everyone, how young is too young

 

The otherwise mentally stable people living among us who are steeped in hatred

 

Can we start on the fringes 

 

Expand mental health treatment 

For those begging for care

 

Pause gun ownership 

For those who the majority 

On both sides agree 

Shouldn’t own one

 

Pilot reasonable changes 

On both edges of fringe 

And see if there is any improvement

 

And however many guns we own

Whatever our mental status 

Can we decide that 

Hatred doesn’t serve us

 

Can we disagree with each other

Rather than demolish each other

 

This problem

We can’t seem 

To agree on

 

Keeps changing

All of our lives

For the worse

 

So please can we start

Please can we do something

 

Because if we don’t start somewhere

 

This thing

That none of us wants

Won’t end

 

But sadly

Many more lives

Will

 

 

*There are currently 50 million Americans taking

   medications for mental health issues (and 

   100K first cases of psychosis each year)

**Americans own an estimated 20 million Assault

    Rifles which are part of the 393 million guns 

    overall owned by Americans

 

 

To The Person Who Might Active Shoot Me Someday

How

Are you

Today

 

What thoughts

Fill you mind

In these days, months, years maybe

Before the day 

You will kill me

 

Were you born enraged

Already angry

At anything

Everything

 

Or have the beginnings of hatred

Just begun

To creep up

In you

 

Have you noticed 

Within you yet

Signs of confusion or paranoia

Or is that still

On the horizon 

 

Could anything 

Have helped

Dissipate the hate

In your soul

 

Was there a treatment

Not sought

That could have brought

Relief to your mind

 

Have you thought yet

About buying a gun

 

Or are you still researching 

The best way to get one

 

Or do you already own one 

Or maybe several

 

Were they hard to get

 

Were you taught to shoot young

Or did you learn from Google

Or video games

 

Do you already have a plan

 

Have you cased the location 

Where my life will end

 

Have you played the scene through

In your mind

 

What do you feel when you do

 

Do you wonder how I am today

What I think about

 

Do you wonder 

If I’m angry

 

If I’m wild minded 

 

If I own a gun

 

If I too want more from life 

Than it’s given me

I do, by the way

 

Are you planning this

Because you hate 

Something I represent

 

Or because you believe

Death is a better option 

Than life

For all 

 

Do you see yet

The irony

 

That strangers

Whose paths cross for one day

 

Will forever

Be connected in history

 

Will forever share 

The same death date

 

I’m sorry about the hate in your heart 

 

I’m sorry about the brokenness in your mind

 

And whether your actions

Are rooted in hatred or brokenness

 

I’m sorry

You had access

To a gun

 

This is 

A battle

I cannot win

 

I can’t stop

A hatred that deep

An illness that acute 

A system that enmeshed

 

So I will spend 

My days left here

Soaking up happiness

Where ever I can 

 

Yet forever wondering

Where are you today

And is there anything that can be done

To help you

To heal you 

To alter the path you’re on

 

So that it never

Crosses mine

Yelling At A Flower Store

Yelling at a flower store 

Not out loud of course

But internally for sure

 

Allegedly because I have a question 

And can’t find staff to help 

And I don’t have all day

Don’t even have all minute

Hurry it along please

 

I want to buy two things of flowers

To plop in the new whiskey barrels

That sit empty in front of my house

Though given to me as a gift

Three weeks ago

 

This getting of the flowers 

Not looked upon

With any level of enjoyment

Or anticipation 

But rather 

As yet another task

I’m late 

To get done

 

So despite the florist’s words

About the importance

Of custom designing the arrangements 

Based on what speaks to me

I can’t muster up care

 

Because what speaks to me now

Is the hard blue of exhaustion

The coral shades of apathy

The pale yellows of needing 

All the errands to end

So I can find me again

 

Reverse Resume

There is something so inauthentic about resumes with their white sheet of “this is what I can do” Times New Roman bullet point precision. It’s not that the information on resumes is untrue. It’s more a question of when did what’s on this paper become more important than what’s not on this paper? Where is the balance between sharing with the world snippets of our professional shiny selves vs. sharing anything of depth or vulnerability?

 

Maybe my lack of affection for resumes stems from the fact that titles have always made me uncomfortable (quite possibly because I haven’t had many important sounding titles). Even so, I’d prefer to be known for who I am as a person rather than by any skills I might have to offer. I’d prefer to have people think of me and know: This is someone you can count on; This is someone who does what she says; This is someone who has her priorities straight; This is someone who is consistently kind.

 

I wonder sometimes what would happen if we were asked to share what is most important to us in our lives outside of work. To provide a reverse resume of sorts that included not a litany of our professional achievements but rather a list of our most impactful non-work life experiences and choices. The kind of experiences that crystalize what is most meaningful about our time here. 

 

I envision a world of reverse resumes that answer questions like:

• What events in your life so far have made you a better person? 
• What experiences have shown you deep truths that you didn’t know before? 
• What in this life has broken you?
• What has changed you?

 

I picture whole sections of reverse resumes that highlight ways of being that give life more meaning such as:

• Attended most of my child’s soccer games this season. 

• Enrolled in a painting class that opened up the world of art to me
• Sat down for dinner together as a family three nights a week

 

I see a heading called “Great Books Read” with a list of the books that have had the greatest impact this year. Maybe there would also be heading called “Friendships Developed” with a list of people you’ve made a successful effort to know better. If we are being honest, there could even be a section titled “Friendships Let Go” to account for the fact that life changes and friendships do to.  

 

I imagine stacks of reverse resumes with a richness and depth of categories that reflect what it means to be human. Resumes with headings like: Memories Made, Dreams Birthed, Interests Pursued, Things Done Just Because I Could, Goals Reached, Goals I’m Working Towards, and so much more. 

 

It’s not that all the amazing things we can “do” aren’t important.  These things surely are important in relation to getting a job. 

 

It’s just that so much else is important too. 

 

And I hope we don’t forget that. 

 

I hope that no matter what we accomplish in life, we never lose sight of this tender timeless truth - Who we are will always be infinitely more important than what we can do.