I Want To Know

I want to know
How this life
Is hurting you

I want to know

Your strategies
For getting through
Tough days

I want to know
How you cope
With knowing
That many
Of your dreams
Won’t come true
 
I want to know
The hard stuff
The true stuff

I want to know

What is breaking your heart
And shaping your soul

I want to know

The good things too

The things that come easy
The things you are eager
To share

But not more

Then I want to know
What shame you carry
And the story of
Your scars

I want to know
Too much
It’s true

I really

Just want
To know you

Cry

There are days
That I face
This wild world
With courage

Days I walk tall
Though holding
The full weight
Of my pain

Days I am amazed
By all
That I am

And there are also
Many
Days like
Today

When I just need
To sit here
And cry

What I Mean

The return
Of a certain
Intensity of tone

The recognition

Of behaviors
Once subdued
With medicine

The every so often

Letting myself wonder
What my life
Would have been like
Without this

Knowing exactly

The steps I could take
To have that life

The acknowledgement

That a brain once broken
Is forever fragile
Always in need of
Protection

This is

What I mean
When I say
Mental illness is
Never over
Never easy

This is

What people
With brains
Never broken
Just don’t
Understand

I Honor

Today
I honor

The damage done

The dreams left behind

How much

It all
Still hurts

I do not wait

For validation
From those
Who have decided
That my pain is over

I only smile

At their presumption
That pain like this ends

Today

I honor me

I honor my pain

I honor my losses
I honor my sacrifice

I honor my survival

I honor my efforts

To rebuild this life
From the rubble

I honor my spirit

Which though broken
Still remembers
How to soar

Whispers

I will not fear

The changing seasons

My changing body
The changing of my mind

I will listen

When my life whispers

It’s time

For something
Different

And smile

At life’s invitation
To become
Something new

Voice

I’m sorry
Someone told you
That you didn’t
Have a voice

Convinced you

That your thoughts
Didn’t matter

Encouraged you

To be quiet
And watch others
Speak their minds

I’m sorry

No one told you
That your ideas
Could change the world

That your thoughts

Are so much brilliance

That your ideas
Shine like gold

I’m sorry for

What someone
And no one
Told you

They were wrong

Your presence matters

Your voice is needed

And it would be

Such an honor
To hear it

Sounds

There are days
I sense
An unsettling
Within me

Times I listen

And hear weeping
Deep inside

And if someday

You should hear
These same sounds
Within you

Know it’s only

The sound of
Your soul’s tears
Crying

Only the sound

Of the hurt
You’ve endured

Only the sound

Of a soul
Growing strong

Only the sound

Of a lived life
Making
Sense
Of the world
That’s around
And within her

Sounds of courage

Not to be ashamed of
Or feared

For these are

The sounds
Of sacred roads traveled
And brave journeys survived

Eyes To See

I wonder sometimes
How I missed
The signs
That pain
Was surely
Coming

I look back

With sadness
At my open hearted
Unsuspecting
Self

Amazed that

I didn’t

See any of it
Coming

I didn’t yet

Have eyes
To see

We don’t fear

What we don’t know exists

Only later

Once bitten
Do we look at jaws
And tremble

Only once

We have survived
A loved one’s journey
Into mental illness
Do we hesitate
In the presence
Of warped logic

We don’t fear

What we don’t know exists

We take no precautions

Against what we don’t know
Can hurt us deeply
And change us
Forever

I Am Shaken

I am shaken

The world
Is burning down
Around me

All
Of my people
Are suffering

And I cannot
Offer
Help

Because I
Am suffering
Too

I do not have
The strength
Required of me

I can only
Crawl myself
To safety
And beg
For rest

Because the world
Is burning down

And if I don't
Find a way

To calm
My spirit
And center
My soul

I will
Burn down
Too

Curiosity

I was
Not taught
Curiosity

I was taught
Safety

And safely
I lived

But then
I got curious

Which made me feel afraid

And though
Fear rose up
To crush curiosity

 
I stayed curious

And I came to realize

That my safe living

Was a sign
Of compromise
Not success

That the choices

I had made
From fear
Were not
Choices made
With logic

So I have

Parted ways
With safety

And invited

Curiosity
To stay

I was taught safety

I taught myself curiosity

And learn daily

The lessons
Of both

I Feel Scared

I
Feel
Scared

For what

Could potentially
Be lost

And sad

That I have
No control
Over it

What Is Owed

This world is unjust

Terrible things will come

You will be asked to do

More than your fair share

It’s possible that
Your goals and dreams
Won’t happen

There are more disappointments

Than can be named

Life

Can really
Hurt

And because of this

You can sit
For a long time  
Or forever

Paralyzed from

Or raging against
The pain

You can

Find ways
To numb
What hurts

And though people

May be helpful
And empathize well

The hard truth is this

No one

Is coming
To rescue you

Everyone’s got

Their own stuff

And their stuff

Is just as hard
As your stuff

So we are together

Left with the task
Of figuring out
If this broken life
Is still worthwhile

Left with the work

Of deciding
What to do
With the hand
We’ve been dealt

Left raging

Against the knowledge
That this world owes
Every single one of us
More

Like a broke relative

That is never
Going to pay up

It owes us all
And it’s never
Going to pay

And yet

Despite
This injustice

It is somehow

Still possible  
To find

Just enough good

In this life

To forgive it

For what
Is owed