What Is It Then

I wish I felt

Thank you

From a deeper place

Within me

Than I do

 

Wish I knew

How to muster up

Sincere gratitude

For that which I’ve never

Been deprived 

 

Wish the thankfulness

I naturally feel

When someone 

Clarifies something that has confused me

Takes a burdensome task from me

Or simply holds a door open for me

 

Would well up within me

Both daily and on days set aside

To honor the monumental sacrifices

Of those who have given up 

The comforts of their lives 

To make mine more comfortable 

 

What is it then

 

Is the sacrifice so big

That I shut it out

Of my soul

Knowing that 

To let it in 

Would also mean letting in 

My glaring unworthiness 

Of the gift

 

I wish I felt

Outrage 

At the first sign of injustice

Rather than having 

To coax it up out of me 

 

Wish I more willingly

Let the anger fire in

And used it to extinguish 

The drenching waves of wrong 

Which are drowning us all

 

Wish the indignity 

I naturally feel

When someone

Insults what I hold dear

Treats me as invisible

Fails to see my worth

 

Would rise up within me

Instantly and permanently 

To stand up for and beside 

Those who have been wronged

And hold space for the narrative

Of all involved 

 

What is it then

 

Is the injustice so disgraceful

That I shut it out

Of my soul

Knowing that

To let it in

Would also mean letting in

The deep pain of generations

A pain I’m not sure I can hold

 

Is it that I’m already broken

In so many ways 

That I opt out of pain

Presented as optional  

 

If not, what is it really

What is it then