Anyone Else

Is
Anyone else
Out there
Hanging
By a thread

Living

One long day
At a time

Unable to look

Too far into the future

Using every ounce

Of strength
To meet
The requirements
Of the day

Missing

What was once
A very happy
Life

Wondering

How the hell
People
Have an extra
Couple thousand
Every year
To travel
When I’m looking at
Yet another
Three year loan
To cover repairs
On a home
I can barely afford

Laughing off

The thought of
How any of my
Needs will be met
At retirement

When it’s all

I can do
To meet the needs
Of today

I’m now
Officially winging
This life

I’m not like

Other people
Who have
The luxury
Of a plan

There is

No plan
For lives
Like this

Or just maybe
I am exactly
Like other people

Just maybe

Everyone else
Is winging it too

But just maybe

Everyone else
Does a better job
Of hiding it

Hurts To Feel

It hurts
To feel

When the

Feelings
Are deep

And I feel things

Deeply
Always

More

A blessing
Than a curse
I think

To be a deep feeling girl

In a cold feeling world

To feel things deeply

Rather than not
Feel anything
At all

My Heart

My heart
Is holy ground
Sacred space

Entrance is

By invitation only

Entrance must

Be earned

And I often

Stand guard

At the door of it

Yet this heart

Has been crushed
By many
I’ve let in

And that just

Makes me
Wonder

How much more
My heart
Would have suffered

If I wasn’t

Guarding
The doorway
At all

Within Me

When I can’t
Make sense
Of the world
Around me

Which

By the way
Is always

I try

To make sense
Of the world
Within me

Try to be true
To the things
That I know

Try to remember
Who I am
At the core

Try to walk strong

Through the chaos
That surrounds me
 
Try not
To rush my days
Or wish them away
For fear
Of the unknown

Try to remember

That life
Can be complicated
And these things
Take time

And I do have time

And I can wait out

Any storm
Around me or within me
With the best of them

Emptiness

What if when
The emptiness came
We didn’t try
To fill it

What if

We let it sit there
Open and hollow

Gave it some respect

Let it have its space

What if we
Just sat there
With the emptiness
And felt it

Instead of running

As far away from it
As we could

Harden

I will
Not let
This hard world
Harden me

I will stand

In disbelief
As many times
As I need to

At the things

That happen to me

At the people

Who hurt me

At the effort required

To keep my life
Moving
In forward motion

But I will not

Be bitter

I will

Stay soft

Because
The list
Of hard people
Is already
Far too long

And I refuse

To add my name
To it

A Chapter Closed

It was
An important story
A much needed read
An essential chapter

A place of safety

In a threatening world

But it’s over

It is no more
A story ended
A chapter closed

And I mourn it

The same way
I mourn
A good book
That has made me think
Moved my soul deeply
And bettered my life
For having read it

Beautiful Gift

It really was
Quite a beautiful gift
To have had
A sacred witness

Who honored
And validated
The deep pain
Ever present
In my life

But it was

A greater gift still
To wake up
And realize
That I
Am my own
Sacred
Witness

I have learned

How to honor
The pain
That I’m living

I have learned

How to validate
The hard journey
That I’m on

I have learned

To be
In awe
Of me

Who hurts deeply always

But moves forward with courage
And walks softly with grace

That Much

To hold attention

To be looked

In the eyes
When I talk

To have time stop

When I say
What I feel
  
To be heard
To be seen
To be understood

Someday
I want
To be loved
That much