Magic

Any magic
In my house
Is there
Because
I bring it

Nothing done

That I don’t do

No plans made

That I don’t make

Nothing dreamed

That I don’t dream

No magic other

Than what
I bring

No magic

Lives here
Just a tired
Magic maker

Yell

Sometimes
I wonder
Why I don’t yell
To be heard

Why yelling

Even when called for
Has never
Come naturally
To me

Maybe because

The times
I most
Want to yell
Are the times
I need my world
Most quiet

Maybe because

In the quiet
I hear me

Maybe because

When I yell
Others hear me fine
But I don’t hear me
At all

Maybe because

When I yell
I drown out
My own voice

Miss

Important things
I need
To tell myself

Miss hearing

My own pain
Honoring what’s been damaged
Discerning next steps

Miss so much

Because I’m giving
My voice
To someone else
Who has taken
So much
Already

Partner

I need a partner
Who sees the beauty in life
Who has an opinion  
Who isn’t ashamed of his brokenness
And brings his whole self to the world

I need a partner

Who is thankful for what little he has
Who has dreams and cares to know mine
Who shares in daily life, takes pride in his home
And keeps it in order
        
I need a partner
Who has hobbies and interests
Who invests in friendships
Who shares responsibility for finances

I need partner

Who is hopeful about the future
Who sincerely cares about other people
Who wants to be alive

I don’t have that

And I don’t quite

Know what to do
With what
I have

The partner I have

I don’t need

I have a partner
Who is dragged through life attached to other people’s lives, plans and goals
Who waits for others to tell him what’s planned for the day
Who has been waiting for years for life to come to him
Who never asks about finances, has no interest in how bills gets paid
Who by not choosing, has chosen to give up
Who has quietly given away all his power

I have a partner

Who is alive
But doesn’t
Want to live

Companion

I’m sure
I could find
Someone new

To tell me I’m pretty

Take me to dinner
Share with me his money
Go with me here or there

Company

Like that
Doesn’t seem
Hard to find

But I’m not sure

I could find
Another companion

I’m not sure

How many of those
You get
In a lifetime

And without

A companion
I’m not sure
That the rest of it
Matters

 

Invisible

Being ignored
To me is worse
Than being insulted

Because insult

At least acknowledges
Presence

But being looked past

Looked through
Made to feel invisible

Denies presence

Denies that existence

Is important enough even
For insult

Party

Life is like
A party
You set off to
With highest
Expectations

That the food

Will be gourmet
The conversation inspiring
And the music dance worthy

But when

You get there
You find

The food is just Ok

The conversation stilted
The music uninspired

It is what it is

And you are who you are
Standing there
In the middle of it

And right then

You decide

To fill your plate full

Say your hellos
And get out on the dance floor
Anyway