Unravel

I want
To be free
To unravel

All my

Tightly held 
Beliefs

As needed

Again and again

My whole life through

I want
The freedom
Every so often
To release my grip
On what I think is true

To let that truth

Stand on its own
Without me

To stand back and rethink it
See if I still believe it

Then pick it up again

And live it

Or set it free

And make room
For something deeper

Turning Around

Days
Like today
Make me feel
Like life
Might be turning
Around

Not for me

For others

Brother becomes Captain

Same day that his love was promoted
Niece is noticeably happier
Family is overall more relaxed

And I’m happy too

About the yellow phlox
That just got planted
On my rock wall

I think

If these things
Bloom in spring
Fall over the wall
Like I see them doing everywhere else

Like they’ve never done
For me
No matter
How many times
I’ve planted them before

I just might

Fall over
Too

At so many

Impossible things happening
All at once

I Wonder

I used to think
A sure sign
Of spiritual maturity
Was to have
More questions settled
Than outstanding

I used to strive for that

I thought

Those with fewer questions
Were further along

I thought 

It was possible
To reach a point
Of being sure

I just thought

I wasn’t
There yet

And I was humbled
To receive the prayers
Of those who tolerated
The questions
I was brave enough
To share

My journey

Was off
By just a few
Million miles

I wonder

How it would have been
To have my questions
Honored
Instead of feared

To have unanswered questions

Fully welcomed
As part of
The mystery

To have company

In the questions
 
To be told
It’s noble
To live the questions

To be rewarded

For questioning deeply

I wonder

How it would have been
 
But
I’ll never
Really
Know

Bright Eyes

I have
Bright eyes
In old pictures

Wide smile

Open heart
Everything happy
Even my skin

But I don’t

Have that now

My eyes are tired

My heart has suffered
My smile is cautious
My skin is marked

I’m not

The girl
In those pictures
Anymore

I’m different

I’m better

Just not better

In pictures



  Audio Version

Story

In my life
People were always
Introduced
With a story

This is Mary

She is a missionary

This is Pete
He just had surgery

This is Sue

She sings like an angel

Introduced

With a story
To validate

Instead of

Introduced
As is
Worthy
Regardless

I wonder

How it would be
To be introduced
As nothing more
Than who you are
 
This is Mary
This is Pete
This is Sue

No story

Just worthy

My Journey

My journey
Has let
A lot
Of people
Down

Has worried people
Disappointed people
Angered people

My journey

With God
Is so personal

But the effects
Have been felt
For miles
All around

Wire

I hadn’t realized
How much
Of my life
Was lived out
In a cage

Enclosed

Fenced in
By wire

I never knew

There were hard boundaries

Never thought to explore

Didn’t cross my mind

Until I got close to the edge

 
Approached the boundary
And was met with glares

Touched the fence

And got zapped

Felt the pain

Of being
Judged as weak
Judged as unholy
Just for going near

It hurts

Getting near the edge

It is torture

Passing through the boundaries

Passing through with scars

Passing through

Without the approval
Or respect
Of anyone
But myself

I wonder why

We are 
So hard
On those
Whose journeys
Lead them elsewhere
When elsewhere
Is closer
To God

Approval

It really is hard
To walk away from
Instead of towards
Approval

Approval from family
Approval from friends
Approval from those respected

It really is hard

To unlearn
Early lessons

To redefine

What it means
To be holy

To just be

Who you were
Meant to be

And know that’s enough

And call it a day

One Phone Call

One phone call
Made today
To figure out
Your school schedule
Is not enough

Is not

A contribution
To our life

One phone call when the house is a mess

One phone call when four kids have asked for music lessons
One phone call when meals need to be planned
One phone call when the budget needs to be reconciled
One phone call when the dog could use a walk
One phone call when the workshop needs to be overhauled
One phone call when the music room needs to redone

One phone call

Made today
Is not enough

It’s not enough

For today

It’s not enough

For the future

It’s the path of least resistance

Shrinking away from life
Instead of rising up to meet life

It’s lazy

It’s selfish
It’s cowardly

And it’s definitely

Not enough