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About Me

I am a person
      who grieves and lives

                and searches for God
                                while grieving and living.   

Sometimes life takes a brutal turn. This became true for me when my husband - who was in the process of dealing with a physical disability - suffered a mental breakdown which traumatized us both. He didn’t bounce back quickly. He is still not back to whole actually and it’s been a long time.

Life goes on but nothing is the same. Life is not sweet anymore. It’s difficult every day. Everything I believed about God - everything I believed about anything actually - has been overhauled. It is still being overhauled.  What I believe now is not neat and clean. It is filled with questions.  It welcomes mystery. Most importantly to me, what I believe now feels closer to true than it ever has before so for that I am thankful.

Early on - during the worst of times - God was silent. Silent except for one nagging question that came to me as I sat in the middle of the mess that had become my life through no fault or choice of my own. The simple question:
“What do you see here?” 

I have been answering that question every day.

It’s all I can do.

This is what I see here.