Depression Stew

You know
What it’s like
To walk into
A home
Where something’s
Been simmering
All day

Maybe beef stew

In a crock pot
Or Italian sauce
On the stove

The scent

Fills the home
Envelops all
Who enter

Depression

Is like that too

The scent

When you enter
The home
Of someone
Who’s simmered
All day
In sadness

A distinct

Texture
In the air

A face

Imprinted
With sleep

A mind foggy, disengaged

The unmistakable

Disheartening
Scent of it

Depression stew

Choose

Choose life or
Choose death

But don’t stay here

In the middle
Of nowhere
Suffering

You can’t

I can’t

It’s too much

Just
Choose

 

 

 

 

My Terms

Early on
When pain
Was new

I was off

And running
Full steam ahead
At the first sign
Of crisis

At the first

Sign of trouble
I was there
In the driver’s seat
Engine revving
Pedal to the floor
Before I could even
Fasten myself in

But not anymore

I’m not

Getting right
In the car
This time

And when I do get in

I’m not going fast

I’m going to

Take a breath first
Fasten my belt
See what directions are available
And make sure
I have provisions
For the journey

My terms now

We get there

When we get there

We end up

Where we end up

I drive the car now

The car doesn’t

Drive me
 

 

When It's Quiet

I need
To be
So quiet now

Go deep
Within my soul

Find the calm
I know is there

Find the quiet
Where peace lives

Hard to find
But findable

When it’s quiet
In my soul

Depression

It is hard
To share life
With depression

Hard

To even admit
How hard it is

The energy it takes
Not to let his sadness
Take me down

How heavy it is

To lift
Two people

How sad it is

To live with someone
Who hasn’t one spec
Of the hope of a dream
For the future
Much less a plan
For tomorrow

How hard

It is
To know
Someday
I will need
To decide

But not today

I’ve lost him

My happy traveling companion

Lost the days
Of carefree adventures
Only long hard journeys now

Watched Your Life Change

Have you ever
Watched your life change

Before your eyes

Saw in slow motion

Everything important
Fall away

Reached out hands

In a frantic attempt
To grab some pieces
Before they were gone

And come up empty

Have you ever

Watched your life change

Watched everything familiar

Sink into a hole
Taking with it
The map
For your life

Have you ever

Watched your life change

Known instantly

Nothing more
Could be done
To save it

Knowing only

The life
Left behind
Was staring you
In the face
Asking the impossible
Still needing
To be lived

Small

I refuse
To feel small

In the presence

Of those
Who don’t
See me

Or care

To know me

I’m plenty big

On the inside

I’m stand alone strong

And I don’t need

To be seen

To know

I’m here

Heart

My Heart
Breaks open

When I see

The hearts of others
Break open

That’s why

I think
My heart
Will never again
Be whole

So much brokenness in me

So much brokenness around me

And my heart

Breaks open
To hold
It all