Life Is Hard

Life is hard
So very hard

Filled with
Too much
Of what brings pain
And not enough
Of what brings comfort

Relationships disappoint

Needs go unmet
Dreams are not realized
Tears pour down
From the faces
Of people
Who are already
All cried out

Life is hard

And not because
We’re doing it wrong

It’s

Just
Hard

And we walk together

Along this jagged Earth
And try
To find reasons
To be happy
About it 

When I Am Quiet

When I am quiet
I am not heard
By anyone
But me

But when I am quiet

I hear myself best
And usually
I like what I hear
 

 

Whole

I try
To bring myself whole
Into the broken parts
Of life

Knowing who I am

Knowing my worth

Letting people

Who feel like it
Add to what
I already know
About me
But careful
Not to let them
Take away
Even a bit
Of my wholeness

Coming away

At times
With more
Then I started with

Coming away

Never
Anything
Less than
Whole

Complicated

I want for my birthday

Lemon cake and

Peace of mind

A Pottery Barn comforter and

My broken house fixed

Fancy new sneakers and

A husband

An HDTV and
A reason to get up in the morning

A carefree vacation and

A raise to pay for it

Dinner at 10 new restaurants and

To magically drop 10 pounds

It’s complicated

What I want

I know that

And still

Want it all
Anyway

A Grief That Has Company

I don’t think
You can move grief
I think grief
Moves itself
When it’s ready

But I do think

You can
Surround grief with love
Plant things around it that grow
Push happy things up against it

The grief

Will still be there
Of course

Only now
It will be a grief
That has company

A grief

That people
Will look in on
And see
Sitting in the middle
Of life
Still being lived

A grief

That is somehow
Tolerable
Because it is
Not alone

My Life

I live my life
With painful hope
Between losses
With a soul full of tears
Looking for something
To laugh at

God

Is this
Really
My life

Am I The Only One

Am I
The only one
Who dreads
Birthdays

Or other days

With a big empty space
Held open
For others
To tell you
How they feel
About your
Existence

And with that space

Always the chance
Sometimes the reality
Of silence

Am I

The only one
Who dreads
Long weekends

Twenty four additional hours

Of empty time
Where fun used to dwell
But where now fun
Must be fought for
Forced up
From the emptiness

Am I

The only one
Who dreads
Thinking ahead
Because what’s
Up the road
Doesn’t look all that
Inviting

Am I

The only one
Who prefers
The daily grind
The dull busyness of life
Over time set aside
To step back
And see life
For how hard
It really is

For how much work it takes

To keep it afloat
When it wants to sink
To keep it intact
When it wants to fall apart

What I think

I’m really asking is
Am I
The only one
Who dreads
Life

Wish

I really wish
Life was better
Than this

Wish

Life offered
More

Wish

My marriage
Was stable

Wish

Money
Flowed more freely

Wish

Hope
Was easier to find

Wish

I was
So much happier

Wish

I could think
Of an area of life
That wasn’t
A struggle

I wish
I wish
I wish

Outrun

I get
So tired
Of trying
To outrun
Pain

Pain

That has already
Taken
Too much

Pain

That I would like
Some distance
From

Pain
That I can feel
Coming closer
Again

Pain

That wants only
To take from me

And I don’t want

To give it
Any more

And that is why

Though I’m so
Very tired
Of running

I run

Pray

When people
Ask me
To pray
For them
This
Is What
I Do

I wish for them

Peace
In their souls

I ask myself what

I can do
To comfort

I hope

Beyond hope
That those
Who are near
Won't ignore
Opportunities
To rise up
And help

I don't ask God

To make it ok
To fix it

I don't ask God

To care
For His child
Since He already does
And it seems insulting
To ask
 
I ask instead
For God
To help humans
Listen when He asks them
To care for
Other humans
  
I don't think
I'll ever
Pray
Like I used to

Pray

With my voice

Pray

For resolution
Rather than comfort

Pray

With even the hope
That amazing things
Will happen

Prayer

To me now
Is more just
Hi God
I see this happening too
And can anything
Be done
By You
By me
By anyone
To make it
A little
Better

With You Here

I don’t mind if you go
Really at this point
I would hardly notice

Your presence here

Is wispy and thin
Weak
Just enough to take attention
But not enough to hold it

The hope that you might

Eventually come around
A distraction
Constantly depleting
My energy

So go ahead and go

Live whatever life
Suits you best

Don’t worry

About me
Being lonely
Without you

These days

I’m more lonely
With you here